It's crazy to think that one year ago today, I was driving away from Chicago, headed home to heaven-only-knew-what. I remember packing my car and walking down that long hallway in the seminary one last time, praying "God, you better have a plan for this, 'cause I sure as heck don't".A year ago today I was unsure of life, of career, of prayer, of trust, of God. I knew they were all real, but what role did each one have? After committing to a large life change- moving to the midwest- I was terrified to go back on that commitment.
What if I heard God wrong? What if I misunderstood?
I won't sit here and pretend this last year has been easy, because it sure hasn't been. I've been blessed significantly, but I've struggled a lot as well. But as I look back a year, to sitting in Chicago traffic headed eastbound, I know I wouldn't, couldn't change any of it.
Today I stood in my office lobby as a newly homeless woman poured her heart out to me. "How am I supposed to trust God when I can't see the next step? I'm trying to have faith, but is that trying worth it?"
And I told her yes. Yes, it is so worth it. The Lord honors our questionings with answered prayers, even when we don't have the words to ask Him. He's a God of mercy and compassion, I told her, just waiting for His right timing to shower us with blessings. I sat next to her in the Church and listened as she pleaded with God to show her what to do. I saw in her myself, one short year ago, and as I told her that, both our hearts were opened.
Isn't it funny how our lives intersect? How a reminder of last year's difficulty could become a source of hope for the next person? Because as I encouraged Wendy to hang on, to step out of the boat in faith, I found that I had tears in my eyes. As she gathered her bags to leave for her next possible shelter, we embraced, and I found that I needed that hug as much as she did. I prayed for her as I tracked her uber car on my phone, that she would find, one year from today, that this struggle had born fruit, and the Lord had worked despite the pain.
And maybe, just maybe, she'll then find someone to share her story with.
What if I heard God wrong? What if I misunderstood?
I won't sit here and pretend this last year has been easy, because it sure hasn't been. I've been blessed significantly, but I've struggled a lot as well. But as I look back a year, to sitting in Chicago traffic headed eastbound, I know I wouldn't, couldn't change any of it.
Today I stood in my office lobby as a newly homeless woman poured her heart out to me. "How am I supposed to trust God when I can't see the next step? I'm trying to have faith, but is that trying worth it?"
And I told her yes. Yes, it is so worth it. The Lord honors our questionings with answered prayers, even when we don't have the words to ask Him. He's a God of mercy and compassion, I told her, just waiting for His right timing to shower us with blessings. I sat next to her in the Church and listened as she pleaded with God to show her what to do. I saw in her myself, one short year ago, and as I told her that, both our hearts were opened.
Isn't it funny how our lives intersect? How a reminder of last year's difficulty could become a source of hope for the next person? Because as I encouraged Wendy to hang on, to step out of the boat in faith, I found that I had tears in my eyes. As she gathered her bags to leave for her next possible shelter, we embraced, and I found that I needed that hug as much as she did. I prayed for her as I tracked her uber car on my phone, that she would find, one year from today, that this struggle had born fruit, and the Lord had worked despite the pain.
And maybe, just maybe, she'll then find someone to share her story with.