* no, not "last semester'S" edition... 

1.  Fair warning: what follows is a short novel.  I'll try to make it fascinating and break it up with pictures ;)

2.  Ah. The first month of classes is over, and we're now "in the swing of things".  And by that, I mean that we're in over our heads and drowning in huge projects.  It's fun, I promise. *cough cough*

3.  I definitely won the lottery with my classes this semester.  (Thank goodness, because a frustrating class line-up can ruin a semester.)  Take, for example, Christian Spirituality.  The first time I looked at our required reading list, I cried.  Not because there were so many books (I have had that experience in the past), but because it was essentially a semester-long retreat.  Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Augustine, Benedict, and others.  Our professor was my thesis advisor and Theology of the Body professor last semester, and I love his teaching style.  It's easy to tell he lives the subjects he teaches, which is important for a Spiritual Life course.
Then, there's Psalms and Wisdom, the grad course.  If those weren't enough, this semester I'll also be learning how to code websites, how to do effective youth ministry (taught by one of the best, in my opinion), and how to be a catechist in the real world.  Some people take easy classes their last semester of college ... I seem to have missed the boat on that.  Whoops, oh well, and I don't think I'll regret it.

4. I don't know if it's because it's my last semester of undergrad, or because I'm now old enough to care, but resolutions have been on the mind lately.  Exercise is one of those resolves.  I was doing great at home - I even went so far as to buy a membership to our RecCenters.  My thought was that being back at school - within walking distance of a full gym - I'd be so motivated.  But bundling up in pants and gloves and a huge down coat to walk 3 minutes seems like such a hassle.  My hope is that when the snow melts, I'll be more excited to jog over to the treadmill.  Senior year also means we get tired of cafeteria food, and we sometimes make our own breakfast on Sunday mornings...

6. About a month ago, I took a little trip to Chicago to visit the Liturgical Institute at Mundelein Seminary.  Some highlights of my trip included being picked up from the airport by a chauffeur (seriously, it's a strange experience), having a tour of the campus by an architecture expert, attending a canon law class, and staying up way too late talking to a few priests and grad students over wine and cheese.  Only time will tell if I'll be spending 2 years as one of two or three women on a seminary campus ...

7. Hope you all have a great Valentine's Day!  I'm spending a romantic evening with some tea, chocolate, and my textbooks... Cheers, my friends.

I'm not confrontational or antagonistic.  It takes a lot for me to speak out against something, primarily because I prefer to keep the peace than to ruffle feathers. 
But when it comes to 50 Shades of Grey, the book-turned-movie coming out on Valentine's Day which promotes everything bad and nothing good, I'm not particularly willing to be silent.

Moments ago, one of my friends posted as his status on Facebook:

No, actually, we can't.  Because as you typed that, $55,350 was spent on internet pornography.  508,644 people viewed pornographic websites.  2 women were domestically abused.  In 18 seconds.

How can we, as Catholics, sit back and allow this to happen?  Can't we "put up" with a few more Facebook posts on certain topics in order to potentially reach those who believe these things are ok?  Where can we draw that line, and decide that enough is enough?

Everyone has those subjects which fire them up, get them going.  Those things about which they can quote statistics, cite research, and share stories they've read from all over.  For whatever reason, this is an issue about which I refuse to be silent.  [I wrote my thesis on it, for goodness sakes!]  Is it acceptable to be silent when so many are being emotionally, physically, and psychologically damaged by pornography use and abuse?

What if God uses my words to begin to change a heart?  That is what I pray for, and what I hope will happen.
So I, for one, am willing to be an annoyance by posting frequently about these issues.  Block me if you will, but I think my words are worth it.

Whew.  Take a deep breath ... we have arrived at spring semester.  THE spring semester.  The one that my entire school career has let up to.
It's a bit overwhelming to think about the next few months.  I have "so much to do, so little time" to do it.  Multitasking seems like the only possible option for getting everything done.  [In fact, as I type this, I am also signing up for a class and writing a cover letter and writing out my assignments for the next few weeks... no judgement, please.]  And in case I didn't feel busy enough, I was running for 12 1/2 hours straight today, just to solidify the idea in my mind that this semester is going to be a whammy.

I've been led to a conclusion.  A conclusion which at first seems counterintuitive, but by now, I know it's true.
I need to spend more time doing more things.
And by "more things", I really mean "prayer".

As I sat with my spiritual director last week, he kept casually mentioning prayer.  Actually, the conversation went something like "something-something-PRAYER-somethingelse-PRAYER-PRAYER-otherthing-PRAYER". **  So by the end I had gotten the hint that prayer should maybe possibly be something I concentrate on in these upcoming weeks and months.

I'm nailing down a schedule.  And part of that schedule is going to be frequent Mass... certainly more frequent than twice-a-week.  It's starting tomorrow, as I wake up earlier than technically necessary to attend Mass off campus (the reason for which is another topic for another day).

Although this semester may be the one of "lasts" and "goodbyes", I'm hoping that for me, its also the beginning of new habits and positive changes.  Because if not now, then when?

** I should note that I do, in fact, remember the "somethings" and "other things" that were mentioned during our conversation.

I hear you, hard-hitting Mass readings.

Sometimes, I have a difficult time gleaning personal lessons from Scripture.  Sometimes the readings at Mass seem so far out of reach, unlearnable by my narrow-minded brain.  But today wasn't one of those days.

There is no fear in love...
But Lord, I have so much fear.  Fear of the unknown, of being wrong, of authenticity, of eternity, of love.  You know, oh Lord.  
...but perfect love drives out fear...
The catch-22 of being afraid of love is that only love itself removes the fear.  It takes a risk, like calling out to a ghost on the water. It takes a step of courage, a leap of faith.  Faith in the unknown, trusting that something or someone will be there.
...and so the one who fears is not yet perfect in love.
You of all people, Lord, know that my love isn't perfect.  I fall so short in so many areas.  Because loving is difficult.  Loving others, loving God, loving myself, loving my work: it's all a struggle at times.  Which makes the act of reaching out to my Savior all the more important.
He saw that they were tossed about ... they had all seen him and were terrified.
Because who wouldn't be afraid of Love Himself approaching?  Those who know not the Lover fear the love He gives.  So why would they invite Him into their craft?
Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid!
And He reached out His hand, and as they accepted Him into their small, rocking boat, He drew them to Himself.  It's a giving-and-receiving, this Love.
They had not understood ... their hearts were hardened.

Today, when I reached out my hand for the chalice, I reached out my hand from my creaking boat.  And He took my offered hand, and lowered Himself onto the seat beside me.  And I prayed, Lord, I'm afraid I don't know how to love You very well.
And He replied, Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid.

The Holy Family is stalking me.
No, but really.  They keep showing up in various places in my life.  And they're doing it as a group and individually... I guess I shouldn't be surprised.  It is, after all, kind of their month.  

At first, it was difficult to see how I could learn from them.  After all, 2/3 of their family was perfect, and the other 1/3 was top-of-the-charts holy.  How could I enter into their family, to allow myself to learn and grow?

The final straw occurred when I attended an Opus Dei Evening of Recollection with my sister this past Monday, and 2 of the talks were, again, on the Holy Family.  Fine, I thought.  If this practical priest thinks they're relevant, I will do my best to change my thinking.

So I'm beginning to pay attention.

I'm starting to see the beauty of Mary, a young woman, unsure of her future, but knowing that God's plan is bigger than her own.  And I realized I could learn from that.
I'm entrusting myself to Joseph, the protector, whose quiet guidance and gentle strength was Mary's support.  
And I realized I could learn from that.
I'm meditating on the helplessness of the tiny Son of God, who allowed Himself to be placed in the most difficult conditions for the good of others.  
And I realized I could learn from that.

This time of year, it's hard to think about anything except the busyness, the gifts, the events, and yes, even the disagreements.  We tell ourselves that "It's all about Jesus", but do we live like it's all about Him?

This Christmas, I'm challenging myself to make it about Him.  I'm learning from Mary, as a young woman preparing for my last semester of undergrad, unsure of what next August will bring, but trusting that God knows what I need better than I do.  I'm looking to Joseph as a protector, someone who I can reach out to at any moment, someone who wasn't perfect, who knew sin, but who was strong and quiet in his faith.  And I'm learning from my Savior, that just as He offered Himself to us in a stable, on that quiet night so many years ago, in order that He could serve us and help us, so too am I asked to offer myself in service to others, sacrificially and selflessly.  

 As the activities of the coming week become more stressful, may we all find peace in the Truth of the Nativity and comfort in the arms of the Holy Family.

The Lighthearted Version:
Oh my goodness, you guys.  The semester is almost over.  I've survived fall of my Senior year, and in 5 short days, I'll be home for Christmas!
Some items of potential interest....
You know the song "Mary, Did You Know?"  It's one of my favorite Christmas songs.  By Christmas songs, I don't mean "songs I like to hear at Mass", but one of those songs that I looooooove hearing on the radio.  Before I go on, let's check out my new favorite rendition of the song...

Lately, lots of my Facebook friends have been bashing the song, saying how theologically inaccurate it is, how we shouldn't listen to it, etc.  I could type out all my thoughts on the matter (of which I have many), but instead, I'll let this CatholicVote article speak for me.

I am finally done reading JPII's Theology of the Body.  Man, was that an undertaking!  It's one of those books that I expect to go back to at least once a year, even if just to skim my underlinings.

One of my professors this semester was Bob Rice- a speaker, musician, youth minister and all-around amazing man.  I think I can speak for our whole class by saying that we learned a lot about youth ministry through his class, and we're all excited to have him again next semester for another youth ministry class.
At the beginning of the year, he told us we wouldn't have Youth Ministry class on the last day of class, as he'd be out of town.  Last night, we found out why.... 

The lets-be-real Version
Oh my goodness you guys this semester is almost over and I have 8 days till I'm home and there's so much to do and ahhhh.  These last two weeks have been rough- full of assignments and work and so many things that I just had to do.  This week, I've applied for one graduate school, booked plane tickets to another grad school, turned in my 40-page double thesis (**happy dance**).  It was so much more exhausting than I thought it would be, and I'm so glad I did it, but I'm also overjoyed to be DONE.

This is a pretty accurate "story" of this thesis... first, the tired face of the 29-page rough draft.  Then, late nights filled with editing, more research, and large coffees.  And finally, the still-dead-tired but elated face of 40 pages of hard work.  I've yet to receive my grade, but I'm cautiously hopeful.  Oh, my topic?  "The Evils of Pornography and its Effects on Today's Youth"  It was a heavy topic to research, but I learned a lot and since I've sent it to over 30 friends since turning it in, I'm hoping that my little paper is having an impact, even in a small way.

These last 2 weeks have also been filled with stress from work.... there have been a lot of chapel events recently, most of which are time-consuming, such as the 2 1/2 hour Eucharistic praise-and-worship tonight and 4 hour (including set-up and take-down) Mass with our local bishop yesterday.  And it's not over.... Monday is a holy day of obligation, and our Bishop is coming again on Thursday!  As much as I absolutely love my job, it will be lovely to be able to simply attend liturgies over Christmas break.  I need a spiritual reboot!

Have a blessed 2nd Sunday of Advent!
Veni, veni, Emmanuel!

My last two weeks have been reminiscent of a swimming relay where I'm not allowed to breathe until after 100 meters.  I finished 100, and am in the middle of another 50 until I breathe again.  {this is what happens when I'm sleep deprived: you get strange metaphors that have nothing to do with my actual life}

Later this week, I have an exciting announcement to share, but until then, I leave you with "The Lazy Person's Blog Post".
Here's what I've been up to lately:

reading:: "A Whitewashed Life" | Minimalist Wardrobes | Essential Oils | "You Just Broke Your Child"
laughing:: Artist Removes One Letter from Famous Movie Titles & Illustrates the Result
watching:: Brooklyn Nine Nine
listening:: Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" | OneRepublic's "Marchin' On"
writing:: an 18-page paper in 2 days and a 35-page paper in 7 days
getting distracted:: BaubleBar | eShatki | pixel scrapper
celebrating:: household inductions last night
looking forward to:: going home next weekend for a formal dinner and auction
praying:: to keep my sanity

I was recently watching a video which issued a challenge: invest in personal relationships over virtual relationships.  It stated that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely, and all too often, our obsession with virtual reality makes us more lonely (even though we're "connecting" with people).

I took this challenge to heart and trotted off to Facebook-land to purge my 'friend list'.  Surely, I thought, the fewer 'Facebook friends' I have, the less time I'll spend wasting time on Facebook.  So I clicked to my profile, then my friends list ... and friend-requested 3 people and accepted another request.  Whoops.

Thinking I'd have more success on Twitter, I proceeded over there next.  After wasting 10 minutes clicking links posted by the people I follow, I finally un-followed 13 people, wondering why I was following the CIA and "German translations" in the first place.

Feeling like a media failure for investing so much time in my virtual realities, I took a deep breath and deleted Facebook from my phone.  Done.  And then I came here to blog about it.

Where is the balance?  I think one of the keys is to allow my time online to lead into better, deeper relationships with people in real life.  I think this is one of the reasons that I find it so hard to delete 'friends' on Facebook- because I'm afraid that 'delete' will mean we'll never connect in real life again.  The question, though, is this: if I haven't spoken to that high school classmate in 4 years or my previous RA in 3 years, even online, then what are the chances we'll reconnect now?  And, with technology, couldn't we find each other anyway, if we wanted to?

There's no denying that media can be good, useful, even lead us closer to God.  I can say with confidence that videos, blog posts, or Catholic images I've seen on the internet have inspired me to grow in my faith journey.  It's when they promote distance or even prevent us from having a faith life altogether that it becomes problematic.

So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go delete at least 5 Facebook friends.  Baby steps, they say.  And then I'm logging off and attending praise and worship.  Tomorrow, the first thing I will do is say a prayer to my Creator, instead of logging on to Facebook. Slowly, I'll begin to reconnect with real people around me.

And I challenge you to do the same.

I'm really bad at Confession - as in, the sacrament.  For example, until 18 months ago, I had no idea that apparently, the average person doesn't simply list their sins matter-of-factly and then stop, waiting for the priest to say something.  Apparently instead, people speak as if in a conversation, and then conclude with some version of "for these and all the sins I have committed, I am truly sorry."
Who knew?

I remember learning this from my spiritual director in Austria, at which point I panicked that I would have to think of casual things to say in the middle of a very serious sacrament.
"And I'm just really struggling to believe such-and-such ..." or "It feels as though God is distant..." or anything else like that just seemed very odd for me to say.  But I have learned, at least a little bit.

For the longest time, I had very strong opinions of how I wanted Confession to go.  If I needed confession, I didn't want sympathy from the priest.  I wanted him to be at least somewhat harsh.  I had sinned, darn it!  His words to me should reflect my failure!  I remember a particularly kind priest who, after I unloaded my soul, was helpful and gentle and wonderful.  "Why couldn't he have been meaner??" I complained to Fr. S, my spiritual director, later that week.  "I didn't deserve the kindness he showed me!"

So I dragged my sorry self over to the chapel a half hour before confessions started, because we're Catholic college students and the confession line is always pathetically and extraordinarily long.  I got to the front of the line and then made my way across the sanctuary to where Father was sitting.  He greeted me, and we talked casually for a minute because hey, why not.  After I had confessed my sins, he paused a moment, and I sat in silence.  Then,

Ooh, man.  That was the only thing he said, before giving me my penance.  Normally, it would have killed me.
But you know what?  I finally got it.  Sometimes I don't need to hear more harsh words or scoldings.  Sometimes I just need to hear a spiritual father telling me what my Heavenly Father wants me to know.

It's not all necessarily about what I do, but rather who I am as a daughter of God.  Simply doing all the time until I'm too busy to stop won't get me an inch closer to Heaven.  It's instead how much I allow myself to grow that will make an impact, and will then effect my life, no matter how calm or busy I am.  While I may think that I "don't have time" to take a walk or get coffee with a friend, it's these times of recharging that prepare me for my next task of doing the Lord's will.

As I prepare for this homecoming weekend, complete will 3 large-scale Masses and a Eucharistic procession, I will do my best to take a little time for myself, just enjoying the day.  It is peaceful union with God that father encouraged, and that my Father desires.

I not only received forgiveness of my sins last night, but the gentle nudge necessary to wake me up from my delusion.  
So I'd say it was a good confession.

{linking up with Jen at Conversion Diary for 7 Quick Takes}

--1--

I just returned from household Senior Night.  We went to a sister's house for margaritas, a fun game, and a time for sharing where we are in this year of "lasts".  It really made it real that come May, my life will be a lot different than it has been for the last 17 years that I've been attending school!  Even if I go on to graduate school, it'll change.  But it's a good kind of change, I do believe.  It so exciting to think that I can literally do anything I want following graduation!  What an adventure I'll be going on!

--2--

The other night, my roommate and I had dinner where all we talked about was Austria.  She was there last semester, and it's been almost a year and a half since I was there.  It was crazy to relive some of the trips I took and compare stories from pilgrimages and mission trips that we did in common.  But something was different with this conversation - in the past, I've just wanted to go back every time I've thought about Austria.  This time, though, while I still wanted to go back, I could recognize that I was there at a certain time for a reason, and it wouldn't be the same to return now.  It did my heart good, and even though I still reminisce about St. Peter's Square, I know that if I'm meant to go back someday, it'll happen.

--3--

Last weekend I attended a mandatory conference for my Catechetics major.  Usually I go into mandatory conferences expecting very little, which was the case last weekend.  But I was blown. away.  It merits its own full post, so I'll write about it this coming week.  But it was all about beauty and art and architecture and how all of those tie into catechetics.  a.m.a.z.i.n.g.

--4--

Let's talk books.  I've been reading a lot of them recently, but none of them are for fun.  Unfortunately, reading for fun one of my primary ways of de-stressing, so to not have that this semester has been difficult.  Thankfully, my required reading books have been great so far!

--5--

--6--

Our weather this week has been absolutely incredible.  It's making me really excited for fall (which is good, since I don't control the weather...).  Although I made the mistake of getting a pumpkin spice latte at our campus coffee shop last week.  I thought I liked pumpkin spice lattes, but apparently not.  :/

--7--

I have a prayer request for someone from back home.  The Lenaburg family has a 22-year-old daughter, Courtney, who has special needs and near-daily seizures, and she has been given 3-6 months to live.  Their hospital bills are through the roof, and Mr. Lenaburg is being laid off at the beginning of October.  I know they'd really appreciate your prayers.  And if you feel called to and are able to, there is a GoFundMe account set up to offset their unavoidable bills.  Thanks.

Have a beautiful weekend!  

** links to Amazon are affiliate links, which means that if you purchase through my link, I will receive a small commission.