Dear Rosa:
Countless times, I've planned to write to you once more.  And just as many times, I've convinced myself not to.
"There's too much to say.  Too much I don't know how to explain.  Where do I begin?"

You see, God's been flipping tables on me a lot in the last, well, year and a half.  Since January of 2015, there have been so many things that I've been convicted of, moved to change, and then received a very clear message: "stop."  And so I have.  I've stopped, reassessed, and waited.

Sometimes that waiting gets tiring.
Sometimes I wish that I could have a life like hers, or hers, or his, plugging away at work, just doing the everyday tasks, with no curveballs thrown in.
Sometimes I forget that there's a Divine Plan so much bigger than my own.

About 9 months ago now, I packed up my things and moved to a seminary outside Chicago.  I was going to study the Liturgy to become a Liturgist, and I was going to experience this adventure of living as the solitary woman on a campus full of 220 men discerning the priesthood.  I settled in and I learned a lot, but it was mostly personal growth.  I wrote papers and read encyclicals, yes, but I also prayed, questioned, pleaded, and sought.  And I gradually came to realize that I was sent there not to complete 2 years of a master's degree, but instead to complete an accelerated course in listening, trusting, and praying.  

That realization was a difficult one.  I'd taken a leap of faith in moving, and once more I had to take a leap of faith as I left, rather suddenly, in the middle of the semester, with no credits to my name and no job to head home to.  Somehow, as I packed and said my goodbyes to the friends I'd made, I found an abundance of peace in the knowledge that the Lord was leading me to something better than I ever could have planned for myself.

Do I regret going?  Not for a second.  Do I wish it had happened another way?  Not really.  Does it seem like a waste?
​Sometimes, yes.

It's challenging to wrap my mind around the fact that it took such a large change to uproot my convictions of what my "life plan" would look like.  It's difficult to acknowledge to myself and those I encounter that yes, I did indeed drop out of grad school.  It's humbling to know that the Lord knew such a wake up call would be necessary in order to reach my stubborn heart.

Life hasn't slowed down a bit since I left Chicago last October.  I still wonder how God expects me to get it all done.  And sometimes, it feels like I'm drowning a little bit.  But then I remind myself that if I can move to a strange city with no friends and begin a program at a school with only men, I can probably take on a stressful day at work.

So what am I up to now, Rosa?  I'm reading books, writing letters, and KonMari-ing my sock drawer.  I'm traveling for weddings and pilgrimages, editing textbooks, and learning how to pay utility bills.  I'm working at a parish, learning how to trust God even more through both the minutiae and the ground-shaking changes.

​But above all, I'm allowing my heart to grow and shift and change for the next thing that the Lord places in my path, whatever and whenever that may be.
Vivi d'Amore,
​Allison

It's been 5 weeks.  5 weeks since I drove across 5 states and moved into a little room in a seminary.  Since getting here, I've taken copious amounts of notes, committed to 3 jobs, made friends, and learned the area.  Now I'm a third of the way done with my first semester, and that's super difficult to believe.

My classes are going well so far.  I'm being pushed to think about things differently and to expand my views.  It still feels a bit funny to only be taking 4 classes for 10 credits... I'm certainly not complaining, but it is taking some getting used to.  I have a midterm exam coming up this week, so I suppose that will be the first test of how things are actually going.  Pray for me!  It'll be a hard one!

Yes.  3 jobs.  Each one fell into my lap naturally and plays to my talents.  I'm using different skills in each of them, so I'm never bored.  And the schedules all work out perfectly, so I'm working about 20 hours a week; I'm used to that schedule from my senior year at Franciscan.

One of the best parts of living on campus is getting to know the people here.  My classmates are wonderful and it's been great to get to know them, and the fact that I make food hasn't hurt, either :)  We all have different backgrounds and interests, and each bring a different view to the forefront.  I love being able to have discussions in class that carry over into our lunch and dinner conversations.  Concepts easily flow into discussion which then gets put into practice through the Masses and times of prayer we have together each day.  It's a fluid way of life, making work, study, and prayer grow in and through the others.

And the area.  Oh, the area.  Illinois is a different world than Virginia and Ohio.  (obviously.  I wasn't really expecting it to be the same.)  But it's been fun and a little frustrating to have to learn a whole new area.  My first few days were spent driving aimlessly around the surrounding towns and trying to make my way back to campus without a GPS.  I failed more times than I'd like to admit, but I have finally learned where things are.  I'm still confused by the 3 Targets and 38 Starbucks and 57 Dunkin Donuts, but at least I know they exist.  I think I've found a parish to join, and I have a library card (cue library card song), so I can't really ask for more than that!  The only thing left is to find a young adult group, but I'm fairly positive that as fall hits us, groups will become more active.

[sidenote: Illinois likes a lot of one-way parking lots.  They throw me off every single time.]
[sidenote 2: It was über complicated to get a library card, and after all the trouble, I had to register separately at each library I want to use!  I now have a great appreciation for my local Virginia library system... it's so easy!]

All in all, its been a good start to my time here.  This upcoming week, I'm looking forward to fall break, during which I'll visit with good friends, see my family, and even write a 15-page paper.  It will be nice to get away for a bit, but it'll be just as nice to have a beautiful campus to come back to.